I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
