just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A bitchslap is in order.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
