It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
