Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
