Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
