I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
