I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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