i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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