What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
