Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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