I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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