and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
