I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
