my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
