Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
