I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
