well I can't set my house on fire every night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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