My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
