He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
