I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
