You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
