hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He passed out mid-signature
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
