sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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