1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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