i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
