Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
