I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
