Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
