I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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