im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
