Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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