just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
