i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
