tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
