I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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