I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
