Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
