After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Holy shit dude........stairs
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
