At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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