I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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