don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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