Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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