hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
