I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sober January is a disaster.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
