Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
