I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
