Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
