Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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