your parents love me but you hate me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
