He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
