Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
