"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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