i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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