Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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