It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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