i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
