I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
